Friday, January 16, 2009

Whats your worst fear?

Dont worry, 80% of all of your fears will never come to pass. Unless you happen to be me.

I remember being in the fourth grade, trying to fit into the "cool" crowd. I had recently moved from Mexico to Seattle and hardly spoke English. But, kids are pretty creative, and can communicate in a wide variety of ways.

So, back to the cool crowd-two boys were at the lead of this prestigious group. They were Zack and Dave. Dave was my ten year old crush. He had blond hair, blue eyes and was so "tall." Zach was the "fat" kid in the class with a crude sense of humor. He took pride in being obscene (you know, typical "mooning" and such), but also had a flair for all things gory. One morning I arrived early to class only to find Dave and Zach chuckling with anticipation.

"What?!" I asked, knowing something was about to happen-
probably to me

"Oh. Nothing. Nothing at all," said Dave, propping his legs on his desk in all his coolness.

I sat down, thinking about how HOT David dressed. The way he rolled up his jeans at the cuff was just so awesome. Remember the "doughnut" look?
Oh, he rocked it. I always played it cool around him, though. I was the type of girl who played bully with her crushes. SURELY, David had no idea that the prank caller he kept hanging up on was actually me.

Getting ready to put my books inside my desk, I was greeted by a bloody hand. I think Zach shrieked louder than me. He gave Dave a high five and they laughed wildly at the success of their practical prank. The hand was obviously fake and it did nothing to scare me- but I pretended it did. It made me feel special that Dave would think of me when coming up with this elaborate scheme.

Day in and day out, Zack tried to find ways to freak me out. I guess he thought it was funny to scare "the little Mexican" who had a hard time with words. Nonetheless, I liked the attention. There was one thing that always creeped me out, though. Very often, Zack would take a piece of paper and pretend to get a paper cut in his eye. I knew it wasn't real, but I always freaked imagining such a thing.

Of course, that would never happen.

Or would it?

Fast forward fourteen years. I was married and Isaac and I were going to spend our anniversary on the San Antonio river walk. We got to the hotel, grabbed a couple of brochures, got some directions and suddenly-

Towering nearly one foot over me with a sheet of paper in hand, Isaac turned around and sliced right into my eye. Fourth grade suddenly flashed before me. Could this really be happening? I didn't know what to feel first- pain or terror.

I had just had a paper cut in my eye!

With my one working eye, I could see everyone around me freeze to a halt. The bell boy stared at me in disbelief, the attendant at the desk reached out to see if I was OK, some nearby guests approached me in slow and steady steps. Isaac stood still- Like a statue.

"Isaac!" You just SLICED my eye!" I began to shriek.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded "I didn't mean to!"

Suddenly, people started asking a million questions

"are you OK?"

"Can you see?"

"Do you need a doctor?"

Issac pulled me away saying everything was fine. I stomped and protested that I was not. My poor husband felt so singled out- like some sort of abuser caught in public. He just wanted to dart outta there.

We decided to wait it out and see how I felt in a couple hours. Everything looked blurry for a few hours, but after I slept I was fine.

Just a bit freaked out.

For more laughs, here's another scenario of a terrible nightmare come to life:


Carolyn said...

Michelle, I am freaking out. A paper cut in the eye has always been MY worst fear. I'm not kidding, ever since high school. I've always pictured all that vitreous humour (that's what it's called, right? Trying to recall those biology classes...) oozing out everywhere. Ugh.

I thought I was the only one who ever actually thought about bizarre and random stuff like that. Wow.

Hope you're okay!!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Oh wow - You just gave me a serious case of the heebie jeebies!!!

Eww. Eww. Ewwwwwwwww!

P.S. loved those boys and their pegged jeans. Sigh.

Patyrish said...

A paper cut ON YOUR EYE BALL! YIKES that makes my eye hurt.

I got a huge cut on my cornea in 10grade ethnic dance class. The girl in front of me was flinging her arm wildy and her ring caught me RIGHT in the eye. SO PAINFUL!

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