Thursday, May 1, 2008

My Evil Twin is Actually Me

I hang my head in shame as I type this.

Most people imagine that I am some kind of sweet, sensitive mom who loves company and is eager to take on the worlds challenges. The truth is that I have a college degree in theater and that I have been concealing the evil twin deep within me. Well, here's a newsflash for you-

My evil twin emerged.

This time, it was during a family trip that I made with my inlaws. If i had ever wanted to lose face and dignity, I finally got my big chance. I bet that the inlaws stay up late at night, worried for their son who married the Premenstrual Monster from Hell ...

Ive never liked to travel. For starters, I get motion sickness pretty easy. Then, Im almost sure that I have a moderate case of claustrophobia. In addition, I happen to be a paranoid, overprotective mother who must have meal plans and sleep schedule completely intact. Stuff me in a car full of family, suitcases and messy snacks for an extended period of time, and you get this:

Which is exactly the person I became for the period of ten days. I was short tempered, snappy, sarcastic and mean. For instance, one morning the whole family was sitting outside sipping coffee. Katy was running around pushing her new "grocery cart" (which she adores), when Isaac decided to water the grass.

But there was a leak in the water hose

In a matter of minutes, the entire front porch was covered in mud. It was then that my curious little tot decided to explore the nature of this muddy texture with HER ENTIRE BODY. At this point, everybody in the family decided to have an oppinion about what I should do. They sat eating toast and drinking coffee, calling out their suggestions in the chaotic nature of the a trading floor.

"Everybody has a different oppinon on what I should do!
Just let me do what I want!"

Silence fell so quickly that I wondered if time had frozen. One quick glace proved that the only thing I froze was a good morning cheer and a couple good intentions. I felt like a total jerk. One more time.

If only I could stop spewing verbal diarreah every time I fume. I wish that I could stop, count to ten, and deal with chaos in a calm and collected way. I have considered carrying a pack of starbursts in my purse and popping one in my mouth the moment I open it to speak. Heck- maybe a spoonful of peanut butter might do the trick. Something- anything that will tie my mouth down for a couple of seconds. That way, I can gather my thoughts before I lay them out to the entire world to see.


Patyrish said...



Girl I am the SAME way when I am pms'ing. I am not good in a car for long distances either. If the trip is supposed to take one hour and I am in the car for one hour and two minutes....THINGS GET UGLY. I know totally sounds insane but it's a quirk I have that I can't control.

Oh and if Allen gets us lost on a long trip....ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. I HATE being lost....HATE IT.

My poor husband.

Did you at least get pictures of Katy rolling around in the mud!? That's one I would LOOOVE to see!

Dirty Kitchen Secrets said...

Hehe...I've actually had a burst out with my husband while my inlaws we watching! Wasn't pretty :( I love your writing by the way and your funny :)

Wishing 4 One said...

You're so funny Michelle! Love your blog, glad you stopped by mine, wallah I found your blog!

Actually don't all of our Evil Twins emerge at some point on a monthly basis?

What's even better- throw in some IVF injections and the Evil One is on an extended vacation, but not away, here!!!

My lucky DH....

Carolyn said...

I'm a complete crazy person before AF - funny, I was just thinking about blogging about it. I think I will!

somebody said...