Thursday, November 29, 2007

With this Gun, I shall proceed to shoot my foot

And for my next act-






Our landlord owns a bunch of houses on my street. That’s why all my neighbors are my friends. We recommended each other to her, and now we have a nice little community of houses together. There is one house though, that is not part of our original circle of church friends. The green house next to mine, is the home of a young, newly wed couple who happen to be directly related to our landlord. It’s the landlord’s son, and his cute little wife.

A few days ago, this young couple broke some wonderful news to my husband and I. They are expecting their first child. Isaac and I were thrilled. The more friends with babies, the better. On the following day, our landlord came by to pick up her rent money.

“Congratulations!” I said, slapping her lightly on the shoulder (why did I slap her on the shoulder?! I don’t even do that with her!)

“I just found out,” I said, as she stared at me blankly

“Youre gonna have a grandbaby, huh?” I continued.

“Shes pregnant, isn’t she?” The landlord said as her eyes squinted and her lips tightened. She didn’t look at all pleased.

“um,”

“I knew it.” She said, trying to conceal her anger.

I quickly paid my rent and avoided any further conversation. She seemed in a hurry to go visit her son. Now I’m avoiding my neighbors every time I see them. How do I ALWAYS get myself into these situations?


Hey there, Mr. stranger. Would you care to look at my unmentionables?





It was thanksgiving day and I was going to help my mother in law cook supper. Having a toddler obliges me to multitask, so I lugged my dirty laundry with me. I was going to wash it in her house as I cooked.

Driving over there, I noticed that my gas tank was on empty. It’s a good thing that there is a gas station on the way. I drove up and told the attendant to put two hundred pesos in the tank (its just twenty bucks, don’t freak). Here in mexico, getting gas is full service only. You don’t pump your own like you do in the states. While the gas is pumping, the attendant usually wipes all your windows down.

This guy wiped all my windows in great detail. I paid no attention. I gave him my money and drove off. As I pulled up to my mom-in-law’s house, I blushed angrily at myself. Laying on top of the laundry basket were four or five bra’s of mine. Yes, they were sprawled all over the place for the gas attendant’s enjoyment.


The Bunny from hell





My brother in law, Micah (the whole blog is about inlaws, isn’t it?) lives in San Antonio, but was coming to visit for thanksgiving. He loves my daughter, and always makes special time to come visit her. This time, he was carrying a rabbit in his arms.

“I brought a gift for Katy!” He bursted proudly.

I laughed nervously. Surely this was a joke. I only just got rid of all my pets.

“Im serious!” he insisted “its for Katy. Hes a nice little bunny. This is as big as he will get.” Micah said as he released the creature unto my floor.

A million thoughts raced through my head. Where would I keep him? Would he tear up my furniture? Would he bite Katy? How could I potty train him? Did his poop have protein? Micah kissed Katy goodbye and went on out.

I stared at the rabbit.

He stared at me.

Oh well, I would figure out what to do later. For now, It was Katy’s naptime. I put her in bed, and locked the rabbit in the bathroom. He made a growling noise. It seemed strange. Rabbits don’t have vocal cords.

From that moment on, no one was allowed in the bathroom. The rabbit decided that it was his habitat, and that it must be defended fiercely. As soon as anyone opened the door, the rabbit darted at the “intruder” with growling fury and bit deep into their skin.

He was diabolical.

The next morning, I went to the bathroom to get my hair dryer. I left it on the floor. Cracking the door open, I noticed that the dryer had been peed on. I was slowly creeping in when the beast began to growl and peel its teeth. Just as soon as I reached for my hair dryer, the demon leaped at me and bit my hand with great rage. I screamed in horror. This half pound monster had me cowering in the corner of my own bathroom. I immediately called Micah to pick him up and take him away.

“Exterminator!” he joked as he knocked on my door.

I showed him where the rabbit was and let him in. I heard a lot of rustling, and an occasional yelp. After a few minutes Micah came out with the rabbit tucked in his arm. There was a look of bewilderment in his eyes. He carried the spawn from hell out. I don’t know what became of him, nor do I care.


Yes, people of blogland. These things really do happen. But usually to me, so just relax.

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